Helping Your Child Thrive When They Don’t Make the
Top Team
By: Aaron Locks, NAofA Founder and CEO
As a parent of two kids who played sports throughout their childhood, I’ve experienced the highs and lows of youth athletics. Sometimes, my kids made the top teams, and other times they played on lower-level teams. While it wasn’t always easy, we stayed positive, ensured they had fun, and encouraged them to compete hard. These experiences weren’t setbacks, but opportunities to build confidence & develop leadership skills. Here are some tips on managing when your child doesn’t make the top team.
It’s tough when your child doesn’t make the top team, especially when they’ve worked hard. It can feel unfair, and both you and your child may feel disappointed. However, this is also an important opportunity to help them stay motivated and build confidence.
Tips for Them to Thrive
It’s okay to be upset, and it’s important to let your child know their feelings are valid. Just be careful not to make them feel like you’re disappointed in them. Once those feelings are acknowledged, remind them that being placed on a different team can be a positive experience. Playing on a lower-level team can give them a chance to stand out, take on more responsibility, and develop skills in a less pressured environment. Encourage your child to focus on the fun aspects of the game—making new friends, enjoying the sport, and continuing to compete. Help them set personal goals for improvement, whether it’s working on specific skills or becoming a better teammate. Let them know you’re proud of their effort, no matter the team. With your support, they can use this experience to grow and continue loving the game.
Validation and Reframing
When your child is placed on a lower division team, especially if you feel they belong in a higher one, it’s natural to feel disappointed. As a parent, it’s important to help them navigate the situation constructively. Validate their feelings and remind them it’s okay to be upset. Disappointment is part of life, and processing it will help them move forward. Emphasize that playing on a lower team doesn’t diminish their abilities or potential. Instead, it’s a chance to use the experience to improve and show resilience.
Reframe the situation as an opportunity for growth. On a lower team, your child may get more playing time, develop leadership skills, and have a chance to stand out. These experiences can contribute significantly to their development without the intense pressure of a higher-level team.
Moving Forward
Help them set personal goals for the season that go beyond making the higher team next time. Focus on improving specific skills, building mental toughness, or becoming a stronger teammate. By concentrating on what they can control—effort, attitude, and dedication—your child will feel more empowered and engaged. As a parent, you play a key role in helping your child maintain a positive attitude. Stay involved by being supportive on the sidelines & celebrating small victories, like improving technique, showing confidence, or demonstrating sportsmanship. Your attitude will help them keep theirs positive, making the experience more enjoyable. Please remember to remind your child that every athlete’s journey is different. Many athletes didn’t start on top teams but worked their way up through persistence & hard work. Please encourage them to see setbacks as opportunities for growth. These lessons will make them stronger both on & off the field.
Conclusion
While it’s natural to feel disappointed when your child doesn’t make the top team, there are many ways to turn this into a positive experience. By acknowledging their feelings, setting goals, and staying supportive, you can help them use the situation to build confidence, develop leadership, & continue to love the game. Every athlete’s journey is unique, and with your encouragement, your child will grow stronger and more resilient from the experience.
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Related reading: Should My Child Play Up? Considerations for the Parents of the Best Player · 5 Steps to Mentally Get Your Players Ready for the First Day of Youth Sports Practice
